I have no idea what to write about today. So instead of beating my head against the wall in hopes that a million-dollar idea falls out my ear, I’ve decided to just start typing and see what happens. I have a feeling this wont be the last time I do this. So let’s just call it Episode 1 of The Writer’s Block Series.
So let’s see here. What’s bouncing around my brain today? I mean besides the everlasting image of this squirrel eating an avocado with an avocado helmet on his squirrel head…
I’m looking forward to seeing Avengers: Endgame at some point, hopefully this week. But not nearly as much as I would look forward to seeing a movie-length recreation of my favorite superhero gang of all time. I’m talking, of course, about Action League NOW!
You mean to tell me The Flesh couldn’t go toe to toe with The Hulk? Who are you kidding? The Hulk may be super strong, but as long as he has those shorts on he’s simply not capable of unleashing the true power of being super naked. Advantage The Flesh. Also, is there a superhero in the whole universe more easy to identify with than Meltman? I think not.
Now, if I may – and I may, because this is my blog – allow me to share some of my favorite things I saw online this past week. This photo of the FRIENDS cast made the rounds on Twitter…
If I had to learn about this photo’s existence then so do you pic.twitter.com/4IHtcgNFgO
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) April 23, 2019
So no one told them life was gonna be this wayyyy (CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP). I mean, what was this even for? Honestly, if you know, don’t tell me. I’d rather use my imagination. There’s just so much going on here. Matt LeBlanc is sitting on what appears to be a marching bass drum which for some reason just so happened to be sitting outside the open door of a barn. Lisa Kudrow, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry appear to not actually be sitting on anything at all, instead somehow managing to levitate. All I know is David Schwimmer is by far the star of this photo. He’s wearing mesh with overalls for goodness sake. MESH! WITH OVERALLS! What an absolute icon. #Schwimwear
Moving on. Ever wanted to see a kitty cat slap the absolute soul out of a seal? I didn’t know how much I did until I saw this next clip. Here ya go…
if there is an animal anywhere, there is a house cat who has slapped the shit out of it. the sea is no exception
— ghoul nurse (@TheDreamGhoul) April 26, 2019
The flop by this seal is the kind of sell job that would make Ric Flair weep. It is absolute perfection. That cat is not to be fucked with. Then again, what cat is? That poor seal was literally just minding its own business. You can feel the shockwave run through its entire body after the first slap, as if to say, “Why, Whiskers?” And then the second one is deserving of a Mortal Kombat FATALITY overdub. Afterwards, the cat just stands there and admires the carnage. Absolutely savage.
Finally, a few words on what may be the worst song I’ve ever heard. Let me preface this by saying that I am actually a fan of both Taylor Swift and Brendon Urie. In fact, Panic! at the Disco is safely in my top 15 or so favorite artists of all time. But the song ME! that the two of them collaborated on and released this past Friday is whatever the opposite of ear candy is. It’s ear candy corn.
If you haven’t heard it yet, all you really need to know is that at one point, Swift gleefully shouts the phrase, “Hey kids! Spelling is fun!” And no, Taylor. No it is not. You know how I know? Because this is the face of a kid who just won $40,000 dollars at the Scripps Spelling Bee:
It’s a shame, because I believe the two of them could actually pull off a very good song together. But it just sort of feels like they were actually trying to pull off the cheesiest pop-machine-ready tune possible. So I guess in that sense, they succeeded. But woof. Bad song. And not in the “it’s so bad, it’s good” kind of way.
Here’s a better alternative to put into your ears. One of my favorite Vancouver-based acts just released a real gooder on Friday. Listen to Capture by the Crouchin 40 Sippas. Do it. And also recognize that there’s going to be a buttload of good music to come out of this city over the course of this year and beyond. Very excite.
Anywho, hopefully I’ll have something a little more focused to write about next week. Either way, thanks for joining me on my first attempt to plow through writer’s block by just typing the first things that pop into my head. I’m sure I’ll be doing it again before too long.